Those Vile Bodies

(and their hideous things)

 

Word-play by

Zachàr Laskewicz

 

A dialogue between a Mrs U and a Mrs V about many Things (and some Bodies), including Mr V, poor Mrs Z and what she did with Mrs U's -X.

 

U:     Hello I'm glad that you're at home!

I really felt the need to phone.

 

V:     Hi!  How's tricks? Has your day been fine?

I hope it's not been as bad as mine.

 

U:     You too, my dear? Oh, pray do tell -

Are you sick or is your cat unwell?

 

V:     Well, it's with regret that I must say

That Nobody came to visit today.

 

U:     That's awful, but I must confess,

I had expected little less.

 

V:     Oh no! You saw Nobody too?

         Or instead did Somebody visit you?

 

U:     Somebody knocked, but wasn't the first;

         My god of them she wasn't the worst!

 

V:     There were two who came? So that's their scheme;

They must be working as a team.

 

U:     Worse still, Everybody was also there,

With his empty lies and his vacant stare.

 

V:     How dreadful, pet; How would you be!

And it was only Nobody who visited me!!

 

U:     Well I heard Mrs Z's still sore;

She just can't say no and took all four!

 

V:     You mean Nobody came with Somebody and his kin?

She let Anybody AND Everybody in?!

 

U:     It's true, those Bodies and frankly Mrs Z too

Of scruples they have very few!

 

V:     You know that lot they really ought

To know that we don't like their sort.

 

U:     But what's one to expect; they come from there

You know the place they call Nowhere.

 

V:     Oh, that's a truly sick disgrace,

Visiting us from that dreadful place.

 

U:     And there's Somewhere where it's even coarser

I mean you wouldn't even stable a horse there.

 

V:     They say Mrs Z comes from there, I think;

That must be why she was driven to drink.

 

U:     No matter what she may declare

She doesn't come from Anywhere.

 

V:     Yes, Anywhere is far too nice

For someone with that awful vice.

 

U:     That wretched woman, I fear she would

Get her drinks from Anywhere if she could.

 

V:     Yes, what she'll do to slake her thirst

Your -X, he certainly wasn't the first.

 

U:     Oh yest!  How vile!  What a terrible sin!

The Anything they weren't doing when I walked in!

 

V:     No matter what she tries to do,

That Z won't half, still less W !

 

U:     Still, they say the Something that she got

From Everybody hurts quite a lot.

 

V:     Oh yes, those welts!  That rash! Those dreadful fleas!

It must be a really bad disease!!

 

U:     What else could she have expected

Whoring for her drinks (and unprotected)?

 

V:     That awful woman shouldn't winge;

She lost control while on a binge.

 

U:     Drinking the Anything Everbody brought;

She proved that she's no better than their sort.

 

V:     Yes, Anything is truly noxious stuff;

On the liver, they say it's tough.

 

U:     Perhaps we could convince them first to phone?

We could then make sure we weren't at home!

 

V:     I just don't think that stops they're sort;

Just look at all those Things they brought.

 

U:     Please tell me that it isn't true:

Did Nobody bring you Nothing too?

 

V:     Yes, why did they have to bring that awful stuff?

Of Nothing I already have enough!

 

U:     Did you also find it hard to do

Something with the Nothing they gave you?

 

V:     Where did I stick that Nothing of mine?

With the Anything they didn't bring last time!

 

U:     If they dare to make another visit,

I'll give it all back; I'd certainly not miss it!

 

V:     At least we don't have what Mrs Z got;

They gave her Something; I kid you not!

 

U:     Oh, those vile Bodies and their horrid Things!

What an awful fate destiny us brings.

 

V:     One must be polite and say "good day"

But then ask them to stay away!

 

U:     Yes, I'll be nice, I'll say 'hi', but then

I'll tell all of them all to never come again!

 

V:     We'll smile, close the door, and with relief sigh.

         And on that note, my dear, I say goodbye!

 

 

 

By Zachàr Laskewicz

Sint-Niklaas

9 June 2006

 

Significantly updated 27 May 2006